alright. I'm calming down now. I don't have much time. shit. why did this have to happen a few months after my International Mothlaureate? my IBs (cough, IMs) were all i was looking for. and now? I was to travel abroad, start a short lived life in another country. something compelled me to stay right where i am. maybe it was family. maybe it was this country (ironic, because now i'm on my deathbed in this country), but it might also have been, and i mean 'for sure, it was' because of a girl. oh, yeah, my little moth friends will know what i mean, but that is the beauty of dreaming, is it not? and remember, i am on my deathbed. why i seem to take on this nagging tone, i do not know. i have nothing to complain about. on the contrary, i can only find perfection in this work of art. i will never acknowledge my staying is due to her. but that is the beauty of thoughts, and dreams, and the fact that i am on my deathbed.

i am getting tired. i must talk about this later, chance willing.